Losing contact with friends, group activities, sports, classes are big deal for teens and we should help them grieve it

Below are some things that parents can do.

1. Acknowledge their loss

It’s true that their disappointment about not going out or having sports or group activities is trivial compared to the tragedies that thousands of families are facing right now.

But it’s also true that our children’s losses and grief are real. Most of them don’t have enough life experience to put things into perspective. Discounting their frustration will only make things feel worse. We can help them feel better by acknowledging their losses, and their feelings about the loss.

2. Name their feelings

The emotions experienced by adolescents are much more intense than adults. To be empathic, we need to listen without attempting to fix their grief and sadness.

 “I feel so FRUSTRATED!” your child may say before bursting into tears. “Looks like you are also feeling sad,”  your reply might be, followed by a hug.

Labeling the emotion can ease the pain and convey understanding. Research shows that when we name our emotions, we can integrate them better

Try to demonstrate your appreciation of their feelings in a simple phrase or two.

For example, “I understand that you are upset that your sport activities were canceled. And you’re angry that every day seems to bring a new disappointment.”

Then, throw in a little empathy:

“That’s really hard. I get why you are mad and upset.”

3. Teach them about grief

Kübler-Ross and Kessler detailed five “stages” of grief. They are five human experiences we tend to have when we endure a loss. They are:

• Denial: Many teens are denying the threat of covid-19, the danger of exposure to it and ability to spread it.

• Anger: Teens are clearly frustrated by the lockdown. They are angry because they are kept from their friends. They may take anger out on their parents and pick fights with other family members.

• Bargaining: Desperately hoping to avoid loss of social contact with their friends, many teens are negotiating hard to see their peers.

• Depression: Kids are sad about their losses. They are lonely and isolated. Depressed teens often have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. They may spend more time alone in their rooms or show up at meals sullen and mournful.

• Acceptance: Teens who managed to get themselves upto acceptance understand that this will pass. Their emotions stabilize, and they experience the serenity that comes from accepting what they cannot change.

We can’t deliver teens straight to acceptance, but we can try to model it by accepting these challenging circumstances and associated feelings.

4. Help them find meaning

Meaning is considered by Kessler as the sixth stage.

Meaning comes from optimistic attitude, from the gratitude or a sense of awe. And it also comes from providing help to others.

Meaning will likely come from simply enduring this difficult time.

The silver lining for this generation is that they have a crash course on skills to cope with difficulties. These skills will serve them for the rest of the life.

Reference:

Help teens grieve , Christine Carter